And for many young girls that concept is immediately interesting. With a lot of academia being pale, stale and male, women discussing social issues is exciting. However, the dreamy façade was likely quickly shattered by a distressed boy putting his hand up to helpfully tell you that feminist issues are self-centred and dramatic. You quickly feel a little confused about why he doesn’t also find a women’s movement endearing, and why he seems to know so much more about it than you.
Over time, you start to recognise the word a little more in conversation. Hissed in the back of form, spat on school buses. Groups of six boys jump from behind a bench just to try and argue with you about abortion rights in the middle of your breaktime pizza slice. You remember the first time you heard the girl next to you turn to those same boys and tell them that no, she’s not a feminist.
The word starts to appear online as well. People on X start using it to talk about influencers, abortion, porn stars. Every single person seems to understand it differently. The online feminist community seems to be at war with itself rather than its rivals.
And whilst the term gets more and more common in this area of your social life, with an immigrant parent, the silence on this topic is defeating. It’s not something you can really learn about at home, unlike these teen boys who seem to have discussed it to death with their fathers.
Dabbling in feminist literatures and video essays, you make your way here, to university. You know you’re a feminist, you even know the names of some of the types - intersectional, radical, conservative. The word is a lot more commonplace now, spoken on by lecturers and friends to rooms of nodding heads rather than giggles. It feels more comfortable to think about feminism and your relationship with it now. Which ideas from the movement resonate with you, which causes concern you.
Even if home or online spaces still feel a little hostile, hopefully pieces like this encourage you to feel comfortable talking about women’s issues with your friends. Or using feminist thinking when you see a weird TikTok trend or another Nara Smith video.
At the end of the day, it’s just a label! There’s no such thing as being the perfect feminist, and it’s ok to want to wear bows even if the coquette movement is infantilising. As long as you feel like you’re being inclusive and fair, you’re probably being a good feminist.