First and foremost, the big no-noes. If someone is manipulating you, spreading rumours, disregarding your boundaries, or lying to you, then you have absolutely every right to freeze them out. We tend to hang onto toxic friendships longer than we should, and I don’t use the term ‘toxic’ lightly, but if you’re constantly finding yourself feeling worse after spending time with them, feeling inadequate or that they’re always competing with you – it’s probably time for a freeze-out. It's important to surround yourself with friends who not only support you through tough times but also celebrate your achievements, big or small.
Although cut-offs are usually traceable to one event, they’re often as a result of many bottled-up emotions
Now the juicy stuff, when a friend has done something objectively wrong – this could be anything from leaving you in a dangerous situation to go meet their sneaky link, making hurtful jokes at a friend's expense, or telling people things that you told them in confidence. When should you freeze and when should you refrain? If they are sincerely apologetic, take responsibility for their actions and are willing to better themselves, there’s hope that the friendship can be salvaged. Take some time away from them, make sure they understand what they did was wrong, but don’t be afraid to help them learn and grow. That being said, although cut-offs are usually traceable to one event, they’re often as a result of many bottled-up emotions. Is this a common occurrence? Are they constantly making mistakes but never actually learning from them? If the answer to these questions is yes, a frosting is probably on the cards.
It's not uncommon to find that you're both different people from when you first met, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the friendship is unsalvageable
Friendship breakups can be worse than relationship breakups, and the worst of all is when you’ve been drifting apart for a while. It's not uncommon to find that you're both different people from when you first met, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that the friendship is unsalvageable. This is one instance where a freeze-out would probably be the most harmful and the most unnecessary course of action. Nobody is saying you need to be best friends again, but chances are you would regret cutting them out of your life altogether.
Possibly the most common cause of a friendship breakdown is the dreaded lack of effort from one side. Have they been making excuses to skip all group events? Leaving you on sent (or worse, read) for days or weeks at a time? It’s a good idea to have an open conversation with them about how you’re feeling before skipping to the drastic measure of freezing them out. It’s not uncommon for people to withdraw when they’re going through challenging times, and it might be a case of them just needing to open up a bit more and ask for support.
Consider making it a conversation rather than a freeze out, because really, the only cool thing about it is its name
So, is it ever right to freeze someone out of the friend group? Unfortunately, there is no concrete answer. In any relationship, there are going to be rough patches and sometimes you’re going to have to make small sacrifices for friends – this doesn’t necessarily make it ‘toxic’ or ‘unhealthy’, life isn’t always going to be about prioritising your own comfort. But, if your friend group is starting to feel strained by a certain friend, it might be time to cut ties. No matter how you do it, it’s not going to be comfortable – so consider making it a conversation rather than a freeze out, because really, the only cool thing about it is its name.