What made it harder was the conversation that followed. After speaking to doctors, it became clear I’d most likely contracted it from a partner who, instead of taking responsibility, suggested I must have brought it into the relationship. That blame stuck with me. It made me question myself at a time when I already felt vulnerable, and it turned something that should have been about health into something tangled up in guilt and confusion.
At the time, I genuinely believed herpes was the worst thing that could happen to me. I felt ashamed — not because I’d done anything wrong, but because of what I thought it meant. But as the shock settled and I started to learn more, that fear began to soften. I realised how common it is, how manageable it can be, and how much of the pain surrounding it comes from stigma rather than the condition itself. What once felt life-altering slowly became something far less dramatic , just a part of my health, not the headline of my life.
Discovering I had HSV-2 was emotionally tough. Like many, I had preconceived notions that herpes was uncommon, serious, and a sign of irresponsibility. I was consumed by the stigma and the fear of how it would affect my future relationships.
But I did some research, and I realised I wasn’t alone. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), around 13% of the global population between ages 15 and 49 has HSV-2. That’s nearly 500 million people globally, making it a far more common condition than most people realise.
After learning more, I began to see that herpes isn’t as dramatic as it’s often made out to be. The wonderful Doctor who helped me at the time said to me I did not need to worry about having herpes cause it's 'not as bad as it seems', but of course I didn't believe them until I experienced a full herpes outbreak. Yes, it’s a lifelong condition, but it’s manageable. The outbreaks, while sometimes uncomfortable, tend to become less severe and less frequent over time. Antiviral medications help reduce the symptoms and lower the risk of transmission to others.
Herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact, and while condoms reduce the risk, they don’t eliminate it entirely. I’ve learned that avoiding sexual activity during outbreaks is key to lowering transmission and that with proper management, herpes doesn’t have to affect my quality of life.
I was initially terrified of telling a new partner about my diagnosis. However, once I had a conversation with them, I realised that the right person would understand. I’m now in a different relationship, and after explaining my situation, my partner was completely supportive. They understood that herpes is manageable, and it hasn’t been an issue in our relationship. That experience has been incredibly empowering and has helped me feel more confident in myself and my sexual health.
One thing I’ll always be grateful for is the people around me. My girls were there through all of it, the tears and the overthinking, and they never once made me feel embarrassed or different.
They let me rant, cry, laugh about it eventually. They didn’t treat me like I was fragile or broken. They just treated me like me. And in a moment where I felt so ashamed and small, that meant everything.
They also helped me realise something really important: anyone who would judge me for having herpes isn’t someone whose opinion should matter to me. If someone isn’t mature enough to understand what herpes actually is, how common it is, how manageable it is, and how little it says about a person’s character, then they’re not someone I need in my life.
One of the biggest challenges with herpes is the stigma, not the virus itself. The media often portrays herpes as a shameful or life-ruining condition, but that’s far from the truth. Millions of people live with herpes, and for most, it’s just an occasional inconvenience.
At Newcastle University, we’re fortunate to have access to free sexual health services. Regular STI testing, open conversations with partners, and taking steps to manage any condition are all part of being responsible for sexual health. The more we talk about herpes openly, the less stigma there will be, and the easier it will be for others to manage their diagnosis.
Having herpes doesn’t define me, it never did, even when I thought it might. It’s just one small part of my health, not a summary of who I am or what I deserve.
What I’ve learned is that with the right information, honest conversations, and people who genuinely care about you, life doesn’t shrink after a diagnosis; it carries on. You can still feel confident. You can still date. You can still have love, intimacy, and a completely normal, happy life.
The biggest shift for me wasn’t physical; it was mental. Once the fear and stigma lost their power, I realised nothing about my worth had changed. And the right partners, the kind who are supportive, informed, and emotionally mature, will never make you feel like it has.
P.S. The doctor was right, herpes is not as bad as it seems.