A letter to my future self: how are you, sweetie?

Dear Future Self, Hi. How are you, my sweet? I hope that the answer is absolutely magnificent because I won't accept anything less than that. I know how hard you have been working for the past year and a half, and how nothing has been easy at all. You didn't plan for it to be […]

Arnojya Shree
21st December 2020

Dear Future Self,

Hi. How are you, my sweet? I hope that the answer is absolutely magnificent because I won't accept anything less than that. I know how hard you have been working for the past year and a half, and how nothing has been easy at all. You didn't plan for it to be this hard, right? But if you had known, you might have let the fear get the best of you and not begin the journey at all.

I know the doubts reeled in any way but, you hadn't been here before. And now I'm here, standing in the thick of it all, reduced to the brink of maximum reduction and yet, the only thing that keeps me going is you. Yes, you. Through failures, rejections, loneliness and self-defeat, you're the only one who pushes me. I see you, dancing around in your room to the sound of your success, so proud that you didn't give up. It's not the destination but the happiness of getting to begin a new story, the joy of holding your dream into your hands, knowing that you have become the confident, independent and strong woman you have always wanted to be. 

Everyone chants how important it is to heal and lead a life you make up with conscious choices, but no one tells you how difficult it would be.

The self-discipline, the doubts, the worry and anxiety, the sleepless nights, the bad days, cheering for yourself because no one is around is all part of the process. For you to be birthed into someone better, you go through months of growing pain; stretching you in places, you never thought existed. But you got through it, and you came to the other side shining like a star; with wounds and all. 

You make me so proud, you know? Just by being yourself. You have endured so much, and you deserve everything you have, and beyond. You are my motivation to do better because I see you in my dreams every night as tears cloud my vision, and the voices get louder in my head. The shine of your smile lights the last vanishing flame in my heart, and I am back again; broken and tired, but still ready to take on the world. 

So I hope you know that you are the reason I exist. You are the reason I was searching for when I was counting my frozen breaths, trying to remember why I was still here, still alive. Your success is the reason I step over my defeats, and your joy is the reason for my resilience. So bask in the glory of all that you are, because you have fought hard to achieve it. 

Admiringly yours,
Arnojya. 

Feature image: Hannah Buckley, via The Courier's Creative Contributors

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