Age-gap relationships: should they be normalised?

Stop focusing on the age gap and start focusing on the mind gap

Abigail Roch
31st October 2022
IMDb
Finding out about your crush’s age might raise your (or others’) eyebrows, but after how many years difference do you draw the line? Is the age gap a deal-breaker?

This subject matter has long been stigmatised and people’s stance on it is still divided to this day. Evolution in social and cultural norms has shaped what we consider a ‘normal’ age disparity. As gender equality has been increasing and women have been gaining greater economic power, the former want of an older spouse has declined. However, regardless of the gender of the older partner in heterosexual relationships, couples with large age gaps – 10+ years – can make people frown.

The real problem is the mind gap.

Undoubtedly, the bigger the age difference, the higher the likelihood will be that both partners are at different stages of their life and that they probably don’t have the same vision about the future; the real problem is the mind gap. As a result, one of them might feel pressured into acting upon their other half’s wish for example.

On the one hand, age-gap relationships in which young adults between 18 and 25 are involved is a delicate matter: A 30-year-old individual whose partner is 18 years old will - in many cases - come across as a paedophile. As the younger person will have only just become an adult and might be fresh out of school, the only life experience they'll have had is from the viewpoint of a child and a teenager. Meanwhile, aged 30, the older partner will have gained more life experience.

Large age-disparity relationships in which both partners have reached a more mature stage in their life are more tolerable.

On the other hand, large age-disparity relationships in which both partners have reached a more mature stage in their life are more tolerable. From the age of 30 onwards, many people start to - if not already - devise concrete plans for their future. Say a 50-year-old and a 30-year-old were together, they would both have been through some of life's challenges. The younger partner might be seeking to settle down with someone wiser, more knowledgeable and who is on the same wavelength as them.

So, it all boils down to both partners' life stages and maturity. If you're weighing the pros and the cons of your age-gap relationship, ask yourself this: where am I now and where do I want to be in the near (or not so near) future? 

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