Always the bridesmaid, never the bride: the single girl perspective

The phrase implies a black-and-white world. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride: always left behind, alone, while everyone else progresses in the game of life. Simply put, the iconic phrase implies a world with two types of girls. Single girls and boyfriend girls. While I'm a lesbian, and this would automatically put me in the 'single girls' category, I would happily insert myself into the single girl world. I am a single girl. This isn't a new concept, to be clear, I am no pretentious philosopher for coming up with this, but I want to remind you that the single girl life isn't pitiful, lonely, upsetting, or anything that the sad girl complex would describe it as being.

The single girl’s world is vibrant, full of richness and possibility, not defined by the absence of a romantic partner but by the presence of freedom, self-exploration, and self-love. To be single in a world that places romance on a pedestal is to constantly push back against the narrative that says you’re incomplete without a partner. The 'sad girl' stereotype tells us that the single life is something to escape from, a limbo where you wait to be chosen. But for many of us, especially those who embrace our singlehood, this couldn’t be further from reality. While coming to terms with myself as a lesbian, the single girl world seemed to be an idea, taunting me everywhere I turned - I took it for an enemy, posterboarding the inherent struggles that put a barrier between me and my straight friends. Before I came to terms with the pride of a single girl world, I would have told you it was proof that I was chronically lonely. Now, I am just a lesbian embracing the single girl world.

The single girl isn’t waiting. She’s living—fully, unapologetically, and without reservation. She doesn’t view herself as a backup player, nor does she need a relationship to validate her worth. Her story isn’t defined by whether or not she gets to play the role of the bride someday.

When I define the single girl, I define her relationship as one with autonomy. The freedom to love, hate, and explore her passions. It's not about abandoning all human relationships to escape from the complications, it's about embracing your own complications at your own pace. The independence isn't lonely, or a cliché to turn your face up at; nor is it an announcement that single people hate boyfriend girls. The independence is liberating.

Success is what you make it, that much is true. The issue lies in the belief that a single girls success should be the boyfriend girls. To me (a proud lesbian single girl) success is about personal growth, friendships, or simply living a life that feels authentic to who I am. I'm sure one day I will define success based on love and romance, but for now, I am embracing what is here.

My perspective on the single girl life is heavily due to my spirituality. Life as a single girl is about trusting the universe. Everything that is happening is meant to happen. I trust that I am meant to be shouting from the roof tops about life as a single girl for a reason. I trust that I am a single girl for a reason, you should too.