Balancing independence and codependency at university

University is often framed as the ultimate leap into independence. For many students, it’s their first time living away from home, making their own choices—whether it’s deciding what to cook for dinner or figuring out just how much of the weekly budget can go towards alcohol and ice cream. But independence doesn’t mean total isolation. Dependency, in various forms, is a natural and necessary part of life. The real challenge is striking a balance between relying on others for support and ensuring you can stand on your own.

So, how do you navigate this balance while also trying to make it to your 9 a.m. lecture?

Friendships: old and new

Let’s start with pre-university friendships. While it’s comforting to hold onto the friends you’ve known for years, university is a time to branch out. No matter if you’re in your first or final year, making new friends is essential. If you’re lucky enough to have friends from home moving to the same city, use them as a support system—but don’t let that stop you from meeting new people. A great approach is to merge your friendship circles; introduce hometown friends to new university friends and vice versa. Not only does this provide a sense of familiarity, but it might just lead to the ultimate joint friendship group.

While independence is a key theme in university life, let’s be clear: leaning on others—whether it’s new friends, old friends, or family—is not just okay, it’s necessary. Your support system exists for a reason, and there’s no shame in using it when needed.

Homesickness

I won’t sugarcoat it—homesickness is real, and I’ve felt it too. The urge to go home every
weekend for a home-cooked meal, cuddles with your pets, and a reassuring hug from your mum can be overwhelming. While there’s nothing wrong with visiting home when you truly need to, the best thing you can do is push yourself to stay at university as long as possible before making the trip back. The constant shift between home and university life can make adjusting harder. Give yourself the time to settle before seeking comfort in the familiar.

Romantic relationships: the ultimate balancing act

Perhaps the most debated—and difficult—tightrope walk is maintaining a healthy level of
independence in a romantic relationship.

University is, in many ways, a trial period for adulthood. It’s where you learn how to cook, manage your money, and most importantly, be comfortable in your own company. If you’re in the minority of students living with a partner, don’t fall into the trap of over-reliance. While it’s easy to depend on them for emotional and even practical support, university is the time to develop your own independence.
The reality is that, no matter how strong your relationship is, life will likely force you to live apart at some point—whether for a job in a different city, travel opportunities, or financial reasons. If you haven’t learned how to function independently during university, that transition will be much harder. Think of it like chickenpox: if you don’t go through it when you’re young, it’s much worse as an adult.

Establishing boundaries is key. Even married couples carve out personal space—whether that’s a home office, a craft room, or simply designated alone time. At university, this could mean setting aside a night for yourself, a night out with friends, or even just studying separately. Having individual experiences strengthens a relationship rather than weakens it.

Lastly, your social life. It’s essential to maintain friendships outside of your relationship. If you find yourself doing everything with your partner and struggling to spend time apart, it’s time to reassess just how healthy your dependency is. Ensuring you have your own friends and social plans means that if the relationship does end, you’re not left without a support system or a clear sense of self.

Finding the balance

University is about more than just academic learning—it’s about personal growth. Independence and codependency don’t have to be opposing forces; they can coexist when approached with intention. Lean on your support system when needed, but make sure you’re also learning how to stand on your own. That way, when the time comes to truly be independent, you’ll be ready.