My first real boyfriend, my first love if you will, was the sweetest guy. We had a great relationship, but one thing irked me. He would sometimes go on about the fact that if I were to kiss a woman, he wouldn’t feel that betrayed. The idea of me kissing a man on the other hand would have his blood boiling. This simple message showed me how he disregarded my attraction to women, and therefore, my bisexuality. It’s been years since we broke up, yet I still feel a sting every time I think of it.
Then there was one guy, who, even if it was meant as a joke sometimes, didn’t stop talking about a threesome with me and my best friend (who also happens to be bisexual), because it would “Be so easy”. Close friends of mine have repeatedly argued with me that "It's just a phase". Someone else I went on one date with wanted to know how I felt if a woman at the gym was changing in front of me because I’d probably be horny the entire time. Another one kept asking me if I had ever cheated on one of my partners, because “Well, you just have much more to choose from and it must be pretty hard to resist, right?”. The list of these experiences goes on and on. These are just not things to ask a person when meeting them for the first time. There are boundaries, even if you’re curious. Most people don’t even know that they are saying something biphobic. It’s often subtly woven into the tone of a conversation because there just isn’t enough awareness for bisexuality and subsequently biphobia out there.
Most people don’t even know that they are saying something biphobic. It’s often subtly woven into the tone of a conversation because there just isn’t enough awareness for bisexuality
But there have also been good experiences, like the last guy I went on a date with. For our first date, we met at a wine bar not far from his place. While we were enjoying a glass of Sauvignon, a woman I had talked to for a while bluntly stated that she’d love to take me on a date some time and I just said “Sure, let’s do it”. My date heard our interaction, but he wasn’t offended or irritated in any way. As we stumbled into his apartment on that saturday night, slightly tipsy and definitely way too loud for his sleeping flatmate, he simply asked: “So you’re not straight?” When I said “No, I’m bisexual”, all he did was nod, smile at me and then he clumsily continued to take off his shoes. This interaction might seem trivial to some, but to me, it showed an acceptance and respect for my sexuality that I often don’t get to see that easily. I have to say, it felt freeing. So, maybe not all is lost for us lonely, bisexual hearts in the dating world.