Bootylicious British Politicians. At first glance, it seems like a wildly oxymoronic phrase. But I’ve been doing a little bit of research and it turns out that many of our beloved lawmakers are hot with sex appeal. Below I’ve compiled a list from least (being 1) to most (being 10) bootylicious UK MPs.
James Ramsey Macdonald – Elegant with a great mustache and a sexy Highlands accent…bla bla bla…co-founder of the Labour Party and its first Prime Minister…bla bla bla… He’s from a working-class background and is one of the very few PMs that didn’t go to Eton and Oxford… bla bla bla… and was a big campaigner for bills that supported the poorest members of society. Massive ick. Pass.
Jeremy Corbyn – A socialist in favour of scrapping student fees and bringing back maintenance grants, a pacifist and generally humble guy. Some would argue that he’s a charming grandfather type with a fairly good beard. Yeah, I dunno. Pass.
Andy Burnham – Tall(ish), dark-haired, and handsome. I mean, those aren’t my words but I’m sure there’s someone out there who’d describe him as such. So, I guess he pushed the government to open a second inquiry into the Hillsborough Disaster and as Mayor of Greater Manchester is committed to eradicating homelessness in the region. I guess. Whatever. Pass.
Rishi Sunak – OK now this is where it starts to heat up. The man behind the Eat Out to Help Out the increase of Covid infections. And sure, maybe we didn’t vote for him and maybe he is filthy stinking rich. But I would tell him to cover those big beautiful ears and let the haters hate. Money Love conquers all.
Matt Hancock – If any of you broke lockdown rules, you should be ashamed. But of course, if lover boy here wants to bend the rules for a sneaky adulterous link, that’s fine by me. He’s a rebel without a cause or morals and he deserves every penny (minus 3%) of the £320,000 he got for I’m a Celeb…
Dominic Cummings – There is beauty in that receding hairline. I would drive exactly 264 miles whilst infected with Covid for that hairline. Then I’d go a further 30 miles for a nonessential leisurely trip for that hairline.
Theresa May – The way that body be bussin’ it down reptilian style.... We May have lost one queen, but the Dancing Queen, old and stiff, is here to stay. Long May she dance.
Priti Patel – More like PRETTY Patel. With her luscious raven hair and pencil-thin eyebrows, in my books, she has the Priti privilege to send migrants to some random island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean or better yet, Rwanda. #Girlboss, Gaslight, Gatekeep Britain.
Boris Johnson – His bumbling mumbo jumbo is poetry to my ears. Hands, face, space? Sorry, but when it comes to Mr Johnson, I must break every social distancing rule. This party gatekeeper is art on legs: behold the way his bleached blonde straw-like hair sticks out in every direction. I would gladly join him on a romantic rendezvous to Peppa Pig World to conceive child number 8.
Nigel Farage – As a huge horror fan, when Nigel’s hideous face contorts itself into what I believe is supposed to be a smile, and through his yellow teeth he spits out his xenophobic, racist garbage, my heart doth burn for him. Hands down, Britain’s sexiest politician.