Carrie Bradshaw and de-centering men: do we hate her because we are her?

Sex and the City is one of those shows that shifts culture. No matter who you are or what you watch, there will be a reference to the gospel that is Sex and the City. Out of the core cast of women, Carrie Bradshaw is the character who divides audiences. Some say she’s a relatable romantic who spends too much on shoes and cigarettes. Others think she’s a selfish socialite, hell-bent on embarrassing herself in Mr Big’s apartment.

Either way, it’s undeniable that Carrie Bradshaw chases men. She delivers sweeping speeches about needing the warmth of a man by her side and even gets called out on her male-centred attitude by Miranda, the more cynical of the friend group. But who hasn’t been there, analysing an old relationship while plotting a new one over lunch? I couldn’t help but wonder: how much of our lives can we spend thinking about relationships before it becomes too much?

Decentering men has become a popular topic in the discourse wars online. The concept encourages women to start prioritising their careers, appearance, and happiness away from what patriarchal society expects of them. The popular opinion online has become that women who centre men in their lives are conservative and, frankly, outdated. So, Carrie’s constant chase for male validation, through the modern-day lens, comes off as spineless and so last century.

Since the conversation around de-centring men has only become mainstream in the last couple of years, is this gut urge to shun Carrie simply a subconscious reflection of our own individual ideas from just a few years ago? After all, Carrie is from the 90s, and while Sex and the City was ahead of its time, there are a few episodes that reflect some ugly 90s attitudes. There is an argument to be made that her character is just a product of her environment, or is she a cautionary tale about the lengths male-centred women will go to over just some guy?