It is not impossible to grow alongside another person. You are shaped by experiences, and life will never stop happening, so eventually most of us will be settled down but still evolving. However, it is also completely natural to grow apart from someone.
university life in itself is oxymoronic
University life is in itself oxymoronic. The partying at clubs to then turn up for 9ams. The library dwelling and the socialising. It is to be expected that while some people can gravitate to the softer life, others may use this time to experience a wilder experience. Neither one of them would be wrong, but it could change compatibility majorly.
Being individuals does not inherently mean incompatibility. However, if there is no compromise, the lifestyle conflicts can begin to override the love felt. It opens up a difficult question: do you choose love - and stay with this person even if it comes at a detriment to the life you have fallen into and the sense of self you are building - or yourself?
There is also the terrifying thing of growing up. If a relationship began in your mid-teens, it begins to look drastically different in your late teens and twenties. What was saving up for cinema snacks for an after-college date becomes saving towards a place to live post-graduation. And if your relationship functioned well in your youth, but hits a wall at adulthood, there is once again a choice to be made.
choosing love does not have to mean neglecting the self
Choosing love does not have to mean neglecting the self. Romantic relationships should exist to complete a part of your personhood, not to complicate it. If there is a choice to be made, you should always prioritise your own existence. University functions to mature you both intellectually and emotionally, and those changes should be embraced and not dispelled for another person’s sake.