Confusing Sex and Intimacy

Confusing sex and intimacy can be detrimental to a relationship

Molly Hilton
13th February 2023
Hopefully we are all aware of what sex is in its fundamental actions. But, sometimes the word intimacy throws a spanner in the cogs of peoples’ brains.

People can use the word intimacy to describe the act of sex. Sometimes it is used to describe the atmosphere of a cosy or romantic bar. The Oxford English dictionary describes it as ‘close familiarity or friendship’, I would argue that I know my closest friends in more intimate ways than I would ever know a partner. When sex and intimacy are confused in a romantic context it can put a lot of pressure on the people involved, when you think sex is the only way to express love then it blurs important boundaries. What needs to be done is a separation of sex from the idea of emotional intimacy, those two ideas can go hand in hand, but they don’t have to. 

When you think sex is the only way to express love then it blurs important boundaries

In our sex education at school, it’s all ‘when two people love each other’ blah blah blah. This is a toxic way of thinking. When two people love each other they also do nice things for each other. Examples of this is buying flowers; remembering the little things that a person loves; cooking their favourite foods etc. It’s not all giving in to animal instincts.

How people choose to define it is up to them, but we need to create a space in relationships to be able to do this. Be open with your partner! For some people, sex is not a majorly important aspect of a relationship, and for some, it means a lot. It’s important to clarify how important sex is to you to gain an understanding of what you are gaining from it. 

Emotional intimacy fulfils a person’s needs

Sex can fulfil short-term needs, but in the grand scheme of things it is the idea of emotional intimacy that fulfils a person’s needs. So how can we change? To be in a healthy relationship with someone else we first need to have a healthy relationship with ourselves. Listen to what your body is telling you because then it is much easier to get out of a relationship what you want and need. Don’t compare your relationship to others, whether that is those that are close to you or those who are represented in the popular media or movies. 

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