The friendships built through sports, I have always found to be the strongest, as you see everyone at their most vulnerable. The feeling that I would find this community at uni always brought me comfort; however, I was severely mistaken.
...instead of feeling like potential teammates, I was seen as a threat.
The competitive element that I am so familiar with had a new tone, one I wasn’t very fond of. I wasn’t naïve going into these trials; I knew there were better players than me, and I enjoy playing with more skilled people as they push you and teach you lessons. That didn’t put me off. What did were the players at my level; instead of feeling like potential teammates, I was seen as a threat.
The dynamic was hostile. Now, this isn’t to generalise, some of the people I met were kind and fun to be around, some I am even friends with today. However, the number of messages I received telling me that they got into a better team than me and the condensed text in return when I told them where I got place, made me glad, I was not placed into a team with them.
...it was coming to terms with the fact I didn’t care about I sport I have been playing since I was old enough to walk.
Feeling glad I hadn’t made it into a better team started to send alarm bells. My competitive nature was battling my social side. But I was unnerved to find that I didn’t care about my favourite sport if it meant losing the fun and comfort that it used to bring. It felt too easy not to care about playing, and this was a hard pill to swallow.
I started talking to a girl who had gone through the process, and we mutually agreed that the process was too hard to come out of it happy and feeling good about how you got there. It meant getting to know girls and understanding them, getting up early and working together only to use those connections to climb up on the ladder to success. The hardest part of this whole process, however, wasn’t the physical demand or the effort or even the mind games, but instead it was coming to terms with the fact I didn’t care about I sport I have been playing since I was old enough to walk.