First things first, The Courier does not condone excessive drinking. That disclaimer now having been said, over the course of the festive season, I assume that whether due to wanting to get into a festive mood, because you’re sick of watching Christmas specials again, or because your family are all also pissed, you’ll want to play a drinking game to make the endless Christmas re-runs of everything ever, survivable. Therefore, lo and behold, I am to provide you with several rules you can apply to your TV-watching in which you can really discover the true meaning of Christmas- getting absolutely mortal.
This one’s a classic - you’ll have seen on the Internet, and I’m going to put a bit of a twist onto it. Simply pop a Santa hat onto the top left corner of your television screen. Every time someone’s head fits perfectly underneath that Santa hat, waterfall your drink until they’re out of sync with the hat. Sounds easy, right? Tell me that when you’re on the floor.
Take a look at the layout of any room on any TV show: Is the fireplace lit? If so, shot of whiskey – warm yourselves up, for Christ’s sake. (literally for Christ’s sake.) Conveniently placed mistletoe? If you’re with a significant other at this point in time, you’ve both got to drink – if you’re not, then you drink twice as much as you normally would to cheer your lonely selves up. Finally, is there a Christmas tree on the screen? Drink! Alternatively, play this one a little more hardcore, and break the spirits out. Take a look at the item that adorns the top of the tree - If it’s got an angel on the top, shot of tequila. If it’s got a star, shot of whiskey. If it’s something else, I’m so sorry, but shot some vodka.
This one’s best played as a group, and can be done one of two ways: Each person picks one of the adverts this year – whether the one by John Lewis, H&M, M&S, Aldi, even the Burberry one. Whenever your ad comes up, you’ve got to drink.
Alternatively, set the H&M one aside, and everyone picks another advert. Whenever your ad comes on, pour some of your drink into a glass in the middle. When the H&M ad comes on, the last person to pour their drink into the glass has to drink the entire thing before the ad’s over. If they don’t manage it, well, that’s just going to have to be them drinking a shot of whiskey afterwards.
On a non- TV related note, let’s throw in a couple more, just for good measure.
This one’s a cruel one, but it’ll do the job. ANY TIME a Christmas song comes on - whether on a TV show, advert, whatever – drink. It’ll make those constant bloody Morrisons ads remotely bearable, and means that even the breaks are worth something.
This one’s painfully simple – every time the word Christmas is said, take a drink. EVERY SINGLE TIME. At this current time, you’d be surprised.
I hope by now you’ll all be suitably tipsy and falling asleep in front of old reruns of Christmas special on G.O.L.D. Have a very merry Christmas, and a hungover New Year!
Errol Kerr