Come again?
Further studies echo this disparity as The Kinsey Report, titled ‘Sexual Behavior in the Human Female’, reported unmarried American women only had 200 orgasms on average before marriage, with 36% having never had an orgasm before marriage. Whereas men had 1,500 orgasms on average before marriage, and all had reported having had an orgasm before marriage.
The evidence is undeniable - women in heterosexual relationships are orgasming a whole lot less than men. But why are so many women struggling to reach that big O?
Perhaps women’s bodies are just harder to navigate than men's? However, lesbian women report orgasming 86% of the time, showing that the vulva isn’t some unsolvable mystery and the clit simply isn't impossible to find. Could it be, then, that some men are too cocky or indifferent to their partner’s pleasure? According to the study 'Do Women's Orgasms Function as a Masculinity Achievement for Men?', men felt more masculine and reported higher sexual esteem when they imagined that a woman orgasmed during sexual encounters with them. It seems as though the problem runs deeper than vulvas and selfishness; it’s a cultural issue.
It seems as though the problem runs deeper than vulvas and selfishness; it’s a cultural issue.
Oftentimes, Film and TV shows portray women orgasming from intercourse alone with little or no clitoral stimulation. Porn only serves to perpetuate this, with the majority of porn directed and created for male enjoyment meaning penetration is at the forefront of sex. This results in many believing penetration is primarily what women need to orgasm, most even use sex and intercourse as interchangeable terms. Dr Laurie Mintz, a sexuality psychologist and author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters -- And How To Get It“ in an interview with Cosmopolitan, says "[Men] have been duped by the culture, just like women have,” she says. “They watch movies; they watch porn which shows women having these fast and fabulous orgasms from penetration alone.” However, fewer than 1 in 5 women say that they can orgasm through penetration alone. This means most of the media we consume are misleading and ignores a huge portion of women and their pleasure. Mintz adds, "If women's pleasure were the number one priority, we would call foreplay sex and intercourse post-play. But even our language reflects and perpetuates this devaluing of women's pleasure. " Our media puts men's pleasure at the forefront and women's pleasure on the back burner. This media is consumed by younger people and wires their perception of sex into a falsehood.
Our media puts men's pleasure at the forefront and women's pleasure on the back burner. This media is consumed by younger people and wires their perception of sex into a falsehood.
Another cultural reason the orgasm gap is so apparent is women often feel restricted in their sexual expression. There is a lot more shame surrounding female sexuality than there is male sexuality, with slut shaming still rampant in our society. Mintz says that historically, while women of colour, particularly black women, were portrayed as being sexually aggressive, white women were pathologised as “hysterical” for expressing what was considered “excessive” sexuality. Perhaps this is why so many women feel the need to fake their orgasms: to be more digestible, more complicit to men and their pleasure. Women need to feel entitled to pleasure and empowered to get the same type of stimulation alone as with a partner.
To finish (unlike most women), if the orgasm gap is driving you nuts, there are a few things you can do. Understanding female anatomy is fundamental to knowing what you like and feeling empowered to show a partner how to achieve it. Stereotypically, the clitoris is presented as something that people can’t find when, in reality, it is not that hard. Educate yourself on your body and your partners; sex is supposed to feel good for both of you. To the women - we cannot fake it until we make it. Faking orgasms is not beneficial to anyone, it perpetuates misconceptions and leaves you unsatisfied. Open and honest conversations articulating your needs can be uncomfortable but necessary.
