Kink and BDSM in film: hot or horrific?

The portrayal of kinks and bondage in film has often been taboo and controversial, but how good is the representation that does exist?

Castor Chan
15th February 2023
Image Credit: IMDb
If you were to come up to me and say ‘give me a kinky movie’, I’d say Fifty Shades of Grey. But are popular flicks like the Twilight-fanfic-turned-film a healthy or even honest representation of kink and BDSM community?

Fifty Shades of Grey, now a billion dollar trilogy and one of the highest-grossing erotic films, has been called dull and unrealistic. Yet why is it now most people’s go to representation of BDSM? Firstly, I think we should recognise its success in launching BDSM and kink into mainstream film. Though it is far from the first erotic film - that would be Le coucher de la mariée from 1898 - it has certainly had a profound impact on the perception of sex in popular culture. 

However, the title of the best erotic film is not Fifty Shades, and in my opinion, it’s straight up not a good depiction of sex. Anastasia, while she gives consent and signs Christian’s contract, seems to be subject to an awful lot of coercion before they reach the happily married stage, and goes through activities sometimes solely for Christian’s sake and attention. 

And looking into Christian’s own relationship with BDSM, he develops this desire to control (can usually be sexy) and hurt (not necessarily bad if performed safely) his submissives due to his unresolved childhood trauma. As a direct quote from the film, “I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore – my birth mother.” I’m sure with the amount of vacations they go on, he’s got the cash lying around for a therapist. For context, his neglectful mother was a sex worker, and her handler used to abuse him as well. Another reason he got into BDSM was through Elena, an older character who groomed him to be her sub while he was a teenager. 

I’m sure with the amount of vacations they go on, he’s got the cash lying around for a therapist

While kinks can be healthy and an enjoyable part of sex for both parties, and actually be beneficial in healing from trauma, causation going the other way is not accurate and is an incredibly harmful assumption. Those who are experienced with kink play - and not fictional - will know that there are a lot of safety aspects and that before even starting anything sexual, there needs to be trust and negotiation. Kink is also something that anyone can look into and enjoy, and even if a particular kink or scenario doesn’t requires a contract, there is constant checking in.  

Although kink play is much more common on the screen now, it is also often portrayed jokingly and negatively or regarded with disgust. For example, in BBC’s Sherlock, there is an episode called Scandal in Belgravia that includes a dominatrix. Irene Adler has leverage on her phone in the form of nude photos - definitely something that shouldn’t happen, kink or no - and although independent and unashamed, is manipulative and an extortionist. Furthermore, male submissives are a joke and repulsive. Going back to Fifty Shades, Christian thinks that his time as a submissive was a mistake and in turn, Ana, cannot stand the thought of him like that, and is disgusted by his submission. 

Of course, people can identify as dominant and submissive however they like, but many people also fall in different places along the spectrum, or be switches. A large part of male submission (or even just being less dominant) not being taken seriously is harmful not just for kink play, but for all men engaging in any form of sex. That societal stigma of masculinity is a huge contributor to insecurity in the bedroom, and it is only reaffirmed by poor representation on screen. 

The film industry has made leaps and bounds with the use of sex in film, but there is still a long way to go in terms of consistent depictions of good kink relationships. If you’re wanting to explore kink, a good portrayal in film would be the 2002 film Secretary. But for now, I don’t think the silver screen should be your point of reference.

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