The main causes of people-pleasing are a need for recognition, a desire for harmony, and a fear of rejection. In hopes that their behaviour will please others and make them feel accepted, people pleasers tend to say yes to just about everything.
To break this pattern, it's crucial to set healthy boundaries and learn to say no. Easier said than done, right? It may feel uncomfortable at first, but once you've established what you are or aren't willing to do, it becomes easier to communicate these boundaries and make decisions confidently.
Sometimes, making a list of your needs can help clarify how to meet them. Consider what energises, relaxes, or brings you peace and write it down. For instance, you might set specific times during the week dedicated to yourself and your hobbies to recharge. It's important to schedule this time with the same commitment you'd give to uni assignments or social events. This often means saying no to others—and that's okay. Remember, you're not rejecting people, but simply protecting your time and energy. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and you'll find that the right people respect these boundaries.
People-pleasing often stems from low self-esteem. However, when you value your needs more, you recognise your own worth. Each time you say no to something that doesn't serve you, you affirm your right to prioritise yourself. It may seem small, but it's powerful for your self-respect, making it easier to stand up for yourself and have a say in how things go.