The question, “what’s the big deal?” springs to mind. It’s reported that about 80% of University students engage in casual sexual activities outisde so why are people so quick to be critical? Anyway, rant over... When it comes to casual sex, we’ve all been there. And more often than not, we’ve all been hurt by it. Either it’s not the right time, or you just want to focus on other things, but sometimes you need a causal situation more than a relationship and i’ve got some helpful tips for keeping the feelings and commitment at bay:
TELL THEM
First things first, the best way to keep things casual is to talk to them. Miscommunication will lead to issues further down the line, by making sure you’re all on the same page, you avoid any awkward confrontations. Having said that, another piece of advice is;
"Yes, it sounds childish, but if you don’t talk about emotions, people are less likely to feel comfortable developing them."
DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
By talking about feelings you’re opening the other person up to the idea that you HAVE them, and the best way to avoid that is to avoid the conversation entirely. Yes, it sounds childish, but if you don’t talk about emotions, people are less likely to feel comfortable developing them.
NO DATES
This probably goes without saying, but if you’re going on dates, or meeting up, it’s more likely classified as dating and they just haven’t told you it yet. So avoid dinners or drinks or romantic walks in Jesmond Dene holding hands. A good way of ensuring that would be my next piece of advice which is:
MEET UP AT NIGHT
Nothing says causal like refusing to see each other by the cold light of day. By only meeting on nights or at night out you can ensure that they only get the vibes that get thrown out on a night out, that being sex. This could bite you on the ass if you’re one of those drunks that gets hyper emotional, but that’s down to what you think you can handle. Also, maybe don’t stay over all the next day, it has more of a relationship feel.
DO NOT TEXT THEM TOO MUCH OR SEE THEM OFTEN
Kind of self explanatory, but you are both a lot more likely to develop feelings and try to take it further if you become reliant on one other. Also, by seeing someone a lot it throws out commitment vibes which leads to all sorts of potentially messy complications.
TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE
A good way of avoiding feelings on your end is to talk to other people you may be interested in. If you’re avoiding a relationship because you have too much work to handle one this might not be ideal for you, but it can help in general.
"A good way of avoiding feelings on your end is to talk to other people you may be interested in"
DO NOT HESITATE TO
STOP IF YOU ARE FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE
If you feel like one of you are creeping into the relationship zone, there’s no shame in scaling it back to friendship, in the end you have to go by your own needs, it’s okay to be selfish.
If all else goes wrong, it may be mean, but a good holy grail get-out-of-jail-free card is to get with someone else, it may seem harsh, but better that than hurting someone further down the line.
