For me, some of my flatmates did become my best friends whilst others I simply didn’t have much in common with outside of sharing a flat – and that is completely okay. What matters is creating a comfortable living environment where everyone feels respected, able to set boundaries and communicate openly. With different routines, habits and living standards inevitably intersecting under one roof, a few disagreements are bound to happen. So how do you tackle those minor annoyances before they become cause for resentment?
"If something is already bothering you within your first few weeks, speak up!"
If something is already bothering you within your first few weeks, speak up! Between working out how to get to the Phillip Robinson Library, navigating the Metro and figuring out where to do your weekly food shop, the start of university can be hectic enough without silently building up frustration with the people you live with.
Whilst it can feel awkward setting boundaries with people you’ve only just met, having an open conversation to agree upon a few basic expectations early on can make navigating conflict much easier; you might even find that your flatmate hasn’t realised that their music is keeping you awake the night before your 9am, or that leaving their dishes in the sink is bothering you.
"…finding a compromise that takes everyone’s routines into consideration can make all the difference."
If cleaning is becoming an issue, suggesting a simple weekly rota after agreeing on what everyone considers reasonable can give people a clear idea of what is expected when sharing communal areas with others. Equally, if noise is the issue, discuss when a reasonable time is to turn the music or TV down. Whilst one person may have an 8am library trip planned, another may be getting ready for a night out on the Toon so finding a compromise that takes everyone’s routines into consideration can make all the difference.
Then comes the age-old question: is it acceptable to invite people back to my flat? Absolutely! But remember, whilst you may be happy for friends to come over whenever, your flatmate may appreciate some warning before the kitchen becomes a hangout spot, so, instead of assuming everyone has the same idea of what is acceptable, talk about it. Even a quick message in the flat group chat can go a long way, giving people the opportunity to raise any concerns and make sure you’re all on the same page.
"... a quick chat face-to-face whilst you’re making dinner can be enough to clear things up before they become a bigger issue…"
But you may be asking, how do I actually approach these conversations? The key is to keep it casual. There’s no need to turn a small annoyance into a full-blown flat meeting or send the infamous anxiety-inducing “can we talk?” message into the group chat. Often, a quick chat face-to-face whilst you’re making dinner can be enough to clear things up before they become a bigger issue whilst also avoiding the potential for your point to be misinterpreted over text.
Similarly, tone is everything. Try to use the conversation as a way to explain how the situation is affecting you rather than pointing the finger and making your flatmate feel as though they are being blamed. Keeping your language both friendly and approachable can make the conversation feel much less like a confrontation and more like a normal conversation between two people trying to resolve something; even if you are feeling frustrated, which is only natural, avoiding using an accusatory or sarcastic tone will make your flatmate much more receptive to what you have to say.
Ultimately, a few disagreements with your flatmates doesn’t have to mean the end of a friendship. Navigating flatmate conflict early on can stop small frustrations developing into long-term hostility and make living together much easier in the long run. Equally, you don’t need to put pressure on yourself to become close friends with your flatmates if the only thing you have in common is sharing a flat. As long as you can live together comfortably, respect each other and resolve any teething issues, that is more than enough!