Can you tell me about grief relief and how it started?
Becca: I lost my dad when I was 18 and was just two months into my first year of University. I really struggled and didn’t deal with it the best way. I turned to drinking and had a lot of messy nights out. I didn't have a healthy outlet for the way I was feeling. As I got older, I got more comfortable in talking about my grief and realised that was the best way to process my emotions. Without that, you bottle it up and it comes out in other ways. I was bored at work, I thought "what can I do?" I needed something in life to give me purpose. I followed grief influencers on Instagram, and I thought there were loads of groups in London but none in the north. So, I thought "what if I just started my own?", so I phoned Charlotte and said, ‘I’m really excited to do this and then I sort of ran with it in my head, I met up with Emma for coffee and she had no idea my dad had died.
Emma: And she had no idea my dad had died!
Becca: I was really excited that we had the same experience and could run this together. We sat down one night in the pub and designed a logo. We made an Instagram, Facebook and an email. We made our own post and thought ‘we’re gonna push this as hard as we can'.
Charlotte: 'When we did the first meet-up, we were a little apprehensive, and worried 'how we were going to talk about this?' But it came up naturally; it wasn't awkward at all, when you're surrounded by people who can relate, it's so relieving. We really want to make people know that there's no pressure to talk about it, it's so relaxed, we can just have a social meet-up and have a support system with people who have gone through the same thing.
Why is it so important to provide grief support specifically for young adults? And how does grief relief support young adults navigating grief?
Becca: It's what we know and what we can relate to. When you are at university and you are on your own, or if you are living with your parents, they are also navigating it themselves. It’s a unique experience to go through grief at this age, you do not expect someone young to have gone through something like that, people struggle to talk about it because people assume you have not gone through something traumatic in your life. People think university is the best part of your life, but honestly, they've been the worst years of my life. When I started university, my dad had just died, and my second year of university was covid, so it was literally the worst experience. It’s just about drawing awareness to that, you don't have to be having the best time of your life just because you're at Uni, things happen, and it's okay not to be okay.
What kind of socials and events do you organise to help people process grief?
Becca: It varies. We try to switch it up almost every time we do a meetup. We started off at the pub, had a few pints and chatted with people, but we realised that not everyone might want to drink, so we've gone to cafes, been on a walk, we’re having a meal this weekend to celebrate our one-year anniversary! We gather in a space where we just chat, it’s a public space so people feel more relaxed. It is all about just having a chat, you do not necessarily have to talk about your loss. It is not all doom and gloom, we are mostly laughing. It is all about forming a network with other people who have gone through the same thing. It forms a closer bond and creates a strong social connection.
How can people access your services?
Becca: Our primary way of telling people what's going on is through our WhatsApp group, which is linked in our Instagram bio, but if someone’s serious about joining or needs advice, then WhatsApp is the best way to access to that.
Emma: I've found that people seem to be happier to be open on WhatsApp, especially when we started. People started telling us about themselves, and who they've lost, even if they didn’t feel confident enough to come to the meetups. I think people who are a bit nervous to come in person should know that there is a space for them to talk to people online.
What are some common misconceptions about grief that you want to help address?
Emma: Conversations about grief do not have to be sad or bring the mood down. I felt when talking with my peers, it got awkward though. Even if what I was saying was not sad, like ‘my Dad loved that TV show!’ people would react awkwardly, but it doesn't have to be like that! Talking about them keeps their memory alive, people want to keep their loved ones alive by talking about them, so it’s important to do that as well.
Becca: Grief does not have an expiration date. I was really young when my dad died and I think because I was so young I did not process it immediately. I was older when I started to understand and come to terms with everything, but at the time I thought it was so long ago that I should not still be sad, I should have gotten over it by now. However, I think it is such an important thing, especially for young people, it could be five ten years after your initial grief but you can still be grieving. It is the milestones too, for me it has been six years, but I still think about it so much. My dad won’t walk me down the aisle and that is a future heartbreak; it's the future things you miss out on alongside the current loss.
What future plans or projects does Grief Relief have in the works?
Charlotte: We want to grow the group as much as possible. Those who have lost someone to suicide experiences grief in such a different way than someone who has lost someone to a health condition. There are so many different relationships and ways it can be difficult for people, so growing the group so that there are people to help each other in ways we may not be able to.
Becca: Something we have looked at is becoming a charity, probably when we have grown. We would like the ability to fund someone’s therapy so that they can access it, or going on trips away to have a break from normal life or surroundings that might be stressing you out. We have done a fundraising event in the past, such as the three peaks of Yorkshire to raise money for Grief Encounter, a charity based in London that specifically helps young people through grief, so it would be great to keep doing that, for different charities around the UK.
What advice would you give to someone hesitant to join a grief social?
Becca: ‘Do not be afraid to reach out and say how you are feeling. We are not as scary and depressing as you might think! It is just like having a chat with mates. In the past, someone messaged me and said they were scared to attend, which I understood, so I invited them to meet with me beforehand, which was less intimidating for them! I always find that once I try something it is not as bad as I thought. It is not about who the person was, it is more about who the person was to you. It could be a grandparent, it could be a distant relative, it's still a huge part of your life that you have lost. We are here to facilitate a safe, open space. People are very welcome to just bring friends along too if that makes it easier.
Emma: If you are nervous, you can always message the Instagram page. We all have our personal Instagram’s tagged, so you can message us personally. We are open to any queries you may have!
Charlotte: We have created a welcoming environment. We know what others have been through, and that makes you vulnerable. We are completely welcoming and if someone new attends we make an effort to get to know them and make sure they feel a part of the group’.