Even in a seemingly more progressive society, we are nowhere close to true equality between members and non-members of the LGBTQ+ community. With legal acts and bills being under constant threat and social discrimination undermining true progress, it’s easy, and sometimes necessary, to want to hide your sexuality from the world, to dwindle down your identity for social appraisal.
Being queer feels as if your sexuality makes up some of your identity, at least more so than a straight person. This is because being straight is still seen as being the ‘default’, in the way that queer people have to ‘come out’ unlike their straight counterparts.
But straightness is equally, if not more, tied to identity just as much as queerness is, but queerness is always going to stand out more in a society that is this remarkably heteronormative. There is always going to be an inherent link between sexuality and identity. Just because it is more noticeable in LGBTQ+ communities, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist elsewhere.
For example, if we take the classic gendered ideal of male breadwinner and female housewife that exists for straight couples. This is still a common dynamic today, wherein the male figure brings in the income and the woman undertakes jobs around the house and childcare.
This is an obvious tie in between sexuality and identity, but due to decades, even centuries, of this being a norm, it's less likely to stick out. What we could call ‘straight stereotypes’ are so ingrained within society, whereas when queer people choose to express themselves, it is more likely that they become the source of criticism, labelled as ‘forcing their sexuality’ on their peers, or being ‘flamboyant’ or even ‘obnoxious’.
This is blatantly unjust, after years of heterosexual dominated media representation, as just one example. You wouldn’t hear the prominence of straight couples in advertisements or TV shows described as a means of ‘forcing sexuality’ upon viewers, all this is is an offensive double standard.
The intertwining of sexuality and identity is an empowering means of reclamation
So for queer people, following years of oppression and injustice on all kinds of levels, the intertwining of sexuality and identity can be about an empowering means of reclamation. Being queer isn’t even just about who you’re attracted to, it’s about embracing non-normativity and diversity outside of social and cultural norms.
Allowing yourself to express all of your authentic values and attributes, sexuality included, can be so liberating and freeing and act as a rejection, even rebellion, against traditional and outdated values and expectations.
Never feel ashamed for simply wanting to affirm your self-identity against a widely heteronormative backdrop of a society
Sexuality and identity are always going to be interweaved, even if not consciously, or noticeably in the case of straight people, so you should never feel ashamed for simply wanting to affirm your self-identity against a widely heteronormative backdrop of a society.
Unfortunately there are still safety and other external factors to bare in mind
Obviously, there’s always an extent to which individuals are comfortable with, and unfortunately there are still safety and other external factors to bare in mind. But as a queer individual, you should never feel like you’re ‘too gay’ when we’ve been living the straight agenda since forever.
In a world that still largely treats us as an ‘other’, true self-expression can allow us to assert our prominence, and force society to make room for us to be ourselves, where we’re not trying to dwindle ourselves down to fit in boxes of ancient expectations.