Often, having penis-in-vagina sex for the first time is linked to ‘losing your virginity’. This definition can be damaging in terms of reinforcing cis-gendered, heterosexual gender stereotypes as it ignores the diverse ways that people of different sexualities and genders are intimate and have sex. A better, more inclusive definition would define ‘losing your virginity’ as having a significant sexual encounter for the first time. This ‘significant encounter’ is subjective and varies from person to person.
The entire concept of virginity is often criticised for being a social construct, meaning its significance is linked to societal norms rather than biological fact. Viewing it as a social construct alleviates the social and personal pressures associated with virginity, allowing greater freedom of choice and empowering individuals to define their own sexual experiences rather than societal expectations.
However, writing it off completely may not be the answer either. Many people have religious and cultural reasons for accepting its existence. For example, in Islam, men and women are expected not to have sex before marriage. Another important factor to consider is that it is hard to abandon beliefs that are deeply ingrained in people as they are a part of their identity. Disregarding this aspect would be inherently against the main arguments for considering it a social construct as it would be dismissing the experiences of people and how they engage with the concept of virginity.
Is it real? It depends: on you. You have the choice to engage or not engage with the concept of virginity in the way that feels right to you. All that matters at the end of the day is that you feel empowered by your choice.