It was a Thursday morning - I surreptitiously opened Tik Tok, ready to guiltily descend into the digital world. But from the first video, I was stopped in my tracks, thumb hovering tentatively above the screen. I was confronted with this blatant headline - ‘is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?’ As a 19 year old recently single woman, my interests were of course piqued. I was directed to a Vogue article by Chante Joseph, where that same question was put forward again - I continued to devour every word on the page (well, screen, but trust me this article needs to be in print).
...the independent single woman is the new coveted lifestyle...
Joseph delves into the idea that women who have boyfriends are no longer considered ‘cool’ - in fact, she testifies that women whose ‘online identities [centre] around the lives of their partners’ can come across as being ‘culturally loser-ish’. And I couldn’t help but agree. To me, the women who I find ‘cool’ are those who have their own life, jobs, money, hobbies and interests. I thought of all of the women in popular culture who embody single life, and how instead of it being something that I fear, it’s something that I see as empowering.
For many years women have been conditioned to believe that being single and childless is the equivalent of having an unfulfilling life, and the ‘spinster’ stereotype is one containing endless loneliness and despair. For example, when Helen Fielding’s 1996 novel Bridget Jones’s Diary turned into the hit 2001 movie starring Renee Zellweger, the ‘spinster’ was personified before our eyes - the scene where Bridget sings ‘All By Myself’ wearing Christmas pyjamas and downing vodka is one I will never forget. But, despite the fact we’re meant to pity Bridget, and dread to end up like her, the modern woman is one that is reclaiming this lifestyle as being desirable. Bridget is in her early thirties with her own flat in London, a job in publishing and a great group of friends - and we’re supposed to feel sorry for her? I think not.
...we have broken away somewhat from heteronormative ideals.
There has undoubtedly been a cultural shift in the way we perceive single women, and therefore also women in relationships. Having a boyfriend is no longer seen as having the chicest new accessory, solidifying a woman’s social status. Instead, the independent single woman is the new coveted lifestyle, showing how we have broken away somewhat from heteronormative ideals.