Young girls have got it tough. I don't always mean literally - but there are events that happen seemingly universally in the lives of young girls that shape the way we live our lives, and the women we grow up to be.
'Bossy' is a word that was used to describe me (pretty frequently) when I was a child. Some kind of mix of oldest-child, only daughter, control-obsessed qualities meant that I was often in charge of groups and plans, and worse than this, actually enjoyed it. I used to hate it when people called me bossy, it had this vast aura of 'bad' around it, like I was being told off for making sure a job was done well or my brothers stopped play-fighting before it got rough.
I used to hate it when people called me bossy, it had this vast aura of ‘bad’ around it
As I've grown up, I've thought more deeply about this idea, sitting down with a fellow 'bossy' girl (and one of my best friends) and wondering why none of the boys in our class were ever described as 'bossy' - actively remembering our teacher's choosing words like 'strong leader' and 'confident' rather than tarring them with this dreaded word.
Dr Adam Grant discusses where our negative connotations with the word 'bossy' come from - he states that there are two elements of social hierarchy - power and status. When someone with high status gives someone directions, we tend to respond positively as we're holding them in a high regard. When someone with a perceived lower status tries to give directions, we're less likely to want to go along with their plans as we see them as overstepping their place - which is where bossiness comes in. (Once again, and perhaps unsurprisingly, this is a feminism issue…) The issue with children being described as bossy is in the learned social dynamics we see around us, we see male CEOs, male Prime Ministers, male Presidents, and so it is easy for children to view boys as natural leaders - it's all around us after all! When girls try to emulate these leadership qualities they see in real life, we’re stepping up from the lower space we’re still working to get out of, and so seen as bossy.
Once again, and perhaps unsurprisingly, this is a feminism issue
I have no doubt that as times move on we’ll become more accepting of this, and I know that many schools are encouraging their girls to step up to positions of leadership, encouraging equality and equity, but it’s interesting to consider how generations of ‘bossy girls’ have gone on to become opinionated teenagers and strong women working towards a future of equality.
It would seem there’s no quick fix to this issue, but I know that if I have daughters, I will raise them to be proud of their bossiness, strong in their confidence and brave in their leadership skills.