Birmingham Yardley, leaving the house hardly: a timeline of Elon Musk’s terminally online winter

What has Donald Trump's lapdog been up to lately?

Dylan Seymour
21st January 2025
Source: Wikimedia Commons, Steve Jurvetson
Having been dumped by his wife, daughter, and friends, bankrolling the return of rapist-in-chief Donald Trump to the Oval Office may have filled the void Elon Musk’s soul if only for a moment. As Winter rolled around, however, the Tesla CEO must have quickly realised that the adoration of incels and racists on Twitter doesn’t count for much when you’re sat on your own at Christmas dinner. So, back to spreading fibs it was for Mr Musk.

Lectures at Newcastle University finished for the semester on Friday the 13th December – an unlucky day for some, but not for Elon’s followers, who were blessed with 103 tweets in a single day.

You’d think that a man so obsessed with space and innovation would find something new to talk about, but most of Musk’s ramblings concerned the same crusade against “wokeness” that conservative talking heads have been pushing for a decade now. “The gaming world is under siege by political correctness”, retweeted the now 53-year-old billionaire.

Mr Musk admits that he hasn’t “even had sex in ages (sigh)”, so nobody can blame him for wanting to feel a little bit turned on every now and again. What you can raise an eyebrow at, however, is the CEO begging his own AI – Grok – to draw New York congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez as a “sexy pepe”, and then a “super-sexy pepe”, as he did on the 20th. Left-wing politicians and Pepe, a cartoon frog appropriated as a symbol of online neo-Nazism, are apparently the kinks of the richest man alive. Each to their own, I guess.

First the family abandoned you, then the Nazis - nice going, Elon!

If you thought he might take a break over the holidays, think again. Musk spent Christmas Day complaining about immigration just like he would on any other day. However, a 29th December row over H1B – a means for foreigners to live and work in the US – saw the racist fanbase Musk had spent 2 years and $44bn pandering to immediately turn against him in seconds over his support for the visas. First the family abandoned you, then the Nazis - nice going, Elon!

2025’s dawn saw the SpaceX boss shift his gaze to the UK and the grooming gang scandal. While the rest of us were watching fireworks and singing Auld Lang Syne, Elon was using the rape of young girls in Rotherham and Oldham as tools to advance a tirade of attacks on Muslims across Europe.

However, the billionaire’s desire to protect women seemingly only kicked in after he had single-handedly put a sexual assaulter in the White House and supported the campaign of alleged paedophile Matt Gaetz for Attorney General. One might almost suspect the man was morally bankrupt!

One might almost suspect the man was morally bankrupt!

Abuse directed at Birmingham MP Jess Phillips saw the Labour politician put under heightened state protection amid threats. This didn’t deter her parliamentary colleagues over at Reform UK from buddying up to Musk, however. The right-wing party, who won 5 seats in 2024’s general election, took a break from their busy schedule of appointing Nazi apologists as council candidates to fawn over the Tesla boss. If it was lasting support that the Farage cabal were after, however, January 5th must have been a shock for them…

“Farage doesn’t have what it takes” – one Elon Musk tweet, seen by 73 million people, delivered a hammer blow to Reform’s momentum. An ex-aide of the Clacton MP fired back, garnering 4,000 likes by calling the X boss a “f*cking moron”, but it wasn’t enough.

The root of the great gammon-apartheid billionaire conflict of 2025 was, amazingly, that Reform UK wasn’t right-wing enough for little Elon, particularly on the matter of EDL founder and current prison inmate Tommy Robinson. Reform UK, having apparently found a scrap of integrity, take a stance against allowing Robinson into the party. Would it shock you to discover that a certain South African doesn’t?

Fortunately for Reform, and absolutely nobody else, the party seem to have patched up their connection with Musk, who now spends his sad, lonely days peddling climate denial over January’s LA wildfires. Record dry weather and high-speed winds, exacerbated by the climate crisis, have unleashed hell on Southern California, with the LA suburb of Pacific Palisades almost completely lost.

Musk blamed ‘woke’. Of course.

Not to jest at such a tragedy, but I’d now like to invite anyone reading to play a game called “what has Elon blamed for the fires”. If you guessed the fossil fuel industry, capitalism or austerity, you clearly aren’t on the same tier of mega-genius 4D chess manoeuvring of ‘Kekius Maximus’ (yes, he really does call himself that). Musk blamed ‘woke’. Of course.

To quote The Guardian’s Rebecca Shaw, “I knew one day I’d have to watch powerful men burn the world down – I just didn’t expect them to be such losers”. The world, with Musk at the vanguard, is entering idiot-crasy – a planet where “epic meme bro lmao 420 69” is more of a pressing political concern than human material conditions. At least the space rockets are cool!

AUTHOR: Dylan Seymour
Sports Sub-Editor | BA Politics and History Student | Vegan

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