Last Sunday, my housemates and I had our house Christmas dinner. Let me set the scene: Wham was blaring out of the speakers, our newspaper-wrapped Secret Santa presents were under the mini tree, the cooking was well underway (only one piece of baking paper caught on fire!), but there was something missing. We weren’t wearing Christmas jumpers.
Whether you like it or not, Christmas jumpers are a quintessential part of the festive period, just like brussels sprouts or eggnog – no one really likes them but, somehow, they make an appearance year on year without fail. In fact, when it comes to Christmas jumpers, the tackier the better. Sequins? Sign me up. Inappropriate puns? Can’t get enough. Interactive features? Bring ‘em on. If it’s not painful on the eyes, you’re not doing it right.
No one really likes them but, somehow, they make an appearance year on year without fail
With all of this talk of tasteless fashion, I can’t not mention my own Christmas jumper. A few years ago, my uncle came for Christmas like he does every year, but this time sporting a shopping bag bursting with garish red and green material. When I inquired about the contents, rather than answer me with words, he pulled out eight separate bundles and handed them to each of us. We all simultaneously stretched out the fabric to reveal identical bright red Christmas jumpers with a green stocking that extended down the length of the front.
At this point, you might be thinking, ‘What’s so special about a sweater with a stocking on it?’. But this was no two-dimensional stocking; this was a stocking that you could put things in, just like the one you hang above the fireplace on Christmas Eve.
None of us looked great, but we were cosy, we’d embraced the Christmas spirit
The possibilities were endless: I started storing my phone and lip balm in there, then Christmas presents that I had yet to wrap and needed to transport without my family seeing, and then it became a home for the food/drink I wanted to save for later (chocolates, mini bottles of alcohol, roast potatoes (this last one’s a joke, but when I tell you I was tempted…)).
So there we were, all eight of us sitting around the dinner table wearing our matching Christmas jumpers. I can’t lie, none of us looked great, but we were cosy, we’d embraced the Christmas spirit, and we’d gained some extra storage space: what’s not to love? We now fashion these sweaters every Christmas and it’s just not that time of year without them.
