Asking for, lending, and borrowing money has been a trade that has existed for as long as money itself has existed. It is natural that we won’t always have money readily available for us at certain points in time, and thus, borrowing sums and paying it back is a common practice. Needless to say, when it comes to friends and family, we tend to feel much more sympathetic to their situations to the extent where some people may not expect them to pay back any borrowed funds. Whilst, in principle, this seems quite wholesome, money can cause very messy situations within familial and platonic relationships.
Simply put, lending money to friends and family shouldn’t have to be so complex. It is the typical trade of ‘I’ll give you this and you can give it back later’; should everyone follow that formula, there would be no problems. Issues arise, however, when family and friends don’t follow this formula or follow it on their own terms. In the same way you would feel more inclined to help someone you care about, someone you care about may feel more inclined to overstep privileges and boundaries because they know you. Things like this tend to lead to a sense of entitlement to your finances and asking for what you’re owed becomes difficult, especially when gaslighting gets involved (comments like “we’ve known each other for years why would you do this?” or “we’re blood related you can’t treat family like that!”). It is because of this, we see the end of many friendships or the breakdown of family bonds.
The most important thing is to create firm boundaries and make sure they are not overstepped. Just because someone is a close friend or a family member doesn’t mean that they have full access to what you have rightfully earned. Lending money to friends and family is never wrong, and wanting to help them out when they are struggling financially shows that you do care about them. Even with this, always stand firm on how much and how often you lend money, and be more firm on them giving it back. How you assert yourself can also inform how people (including friends and family) treat you, so create your boundaries and enforce them, only being flexible when you have to. This way, you can avoid potential financial feuds that could shake your relationships with loved ones.