How is Love, Actually? The unrealistic expectations of Rom-Coms

10 things I hate about you, Love Rosie, Notting Hill, How to lose a guy in 10 days. I remember watching these films religiously growing up. They were a form of escapism, in which life is filled with smart beautiful women and charming funny men. I grew up watching these romantic comedies and suddenly found myself becoming a hopeless romantic, building expectations around what I saw on the screen. However, when I did begin dating, I soon realized that, for better or for worse, it’s not always like the movies.

Each film has more or less the same kind of pattern: the guy chases the girl, makes a mistake, and then does some kind of grand gesture to win her over. This pattern is what led me to believe I lived in a world where men will show up to my house with a boombox or plaque cards and profess their undying love for me. I expected to be won over, chased at the airport, surprised by a flash mob at the train station and kissed in the rain. On the one side, it may be a positive thing, I began dating with this mindset which meant that I refused to settle, I attempted to date men who would treat me well and would be unhappy if they didn’t put any effort in. On the other hand, you soon realize that these expectations are completely unrealistic, and basing people against them will only lead to disappointment.

An issue with romance films is that they create this idea that love prevails against all odds and limitations. And though it’s a nice idea, it is, well, romantic, but not always realistic. They fail to understand that love is not always enough. Money, distance, timing, personal growth, mental health and communication are all factors in a relationship that often, films like to brush over and act as if they mean nothing in the sphere of love, but the truth is this is not the case. In an ideal world, people don’t cheat, don’t break up out of the blue, and don’t leave, however, people and relationships are much more complex than on the screen.

Even when it comes to sex in these films, it is shown as this slow, passionate intimate scene. But just once I’d like to see a romantic comedy that shows sex realistically; let’s see Julia Roberts have to change positions because she got a cramp in her foot. In the same way, relationships shouldn’t be over-glamorized but shown as hard work in which you must choose to want to be with someone every day, where you must overcome obstacles and where, you don’t always end up together, even though you both love one another.

Nonetheless, I won’t give up on romantic comedies, I still enjoy them and the world they create where love is a grand gesture that prevails all. And though I am more cynical as I get older, I do believe that everyone deserves to feel like the main character and thus, feel fought for.