How to find your independence without breaking up with your partner

Being independent in a relationship may sound like a contradiction, but it is actually vital to the foundations of a healthy, functioning relationship. The right relationship should see you thrive, not lose who you were before that person.

So, how do you find your independence without breaking up with your partner?

The key is to prioritise yourself. You must live your life according to your own desires, not your partners. Go on a walk, take yourself shopping or see your friends! Do the things that make you happy, even if it is just listening to music. It is not selfish to act independently, and if anything, it provides more topics for you and your partner to talk about besides the boring “How was your day?” chat!

Independence does not have to mean separation. Your hobbies do not fade away when you meet a partner, so it is important to make sure you still prioritise yourself and never stop doing the things you love, whatever that may be. Finding your independence is a mark of a healthy relationship when you know you and your partner can spend time apart or be miles away from one another and not have to doubt the stability of your relationship. You find your independence through self-reflection and putting yourself first.

At the end of the day, a relationship should enhance your life, and you and your partner should be happy alone in order to be happy together. So, as Ru Paul once said, ‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?’