At first glance, it might seem so. Love can be messy, frustrating, and sometimes very painful. There are awkward dates, confusing texts, and in some cases heartbreak. When relationships end or the feeling is unrequited, it's natural to wonder if all that effort was worth it when you now feel like you have nothing to show for it. But love isn’t something that can be measured by just its outcome.
No matter how long a love lasts, whether it’s two weeks, two years, or two decades, it shapes us in many ways. I personally believe that even if love does fail, it allows us to not only learn about relationships but about ourselves too. We can start to form our own set of standards and expectations for a relationship and understand what it should feel like to be loved in whatever you perceive to be the correct way. Even things that seem like the end of the world in the moment can turn out to be the greatest stories to laugh about with your friends later. So this cannot be seen as a failure can it?
This can even be applied to relationships that don’t fail- each argument during a relationship can teach you more about yourself and your partner and can make your relationship stronger in the long run.
As Tennyson says in one of his many poems, “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. This is a quote that I live by and truly believe that even if things don’t work out in the end and love makes you feel vulnerable, conflicted, anxious, and overwhelmed, it can also make you feel excited, passionate, inspired, and content. Love can expose a wide spectrum of feelings- some uplifting and others more complex- but they all contribute to the depth of the experience.
So, if we are thinking about love only in terms of success or failure, it’s easy to view relationships that don't stand the test of time as a waste. But love isn't about the destination, it's more about the journey, the lessons, the memories, and the ways in which we grow. Each love in our lives leaves its mark in some way, helping us to understand ourselves better and shaping how we approach future relationships and obstacles. It's more than just about finding the right person but discovering what kind of person you want to be in the relationship.
So embrace every emotion. Savour all the laughs, memories, and experiences and appreciate them. And if it hurts then let it hurt, and in the words of Lorelai Gilmore, wallow.
In the end, I don’t see love as ever being a waste, because it is an experience that serves as a reminder of our capacity to care for someone else, to take risks, and to open ourselves up to the possibility of something meaningful. And that, no matter how things turn out, is always worth it.