Men paying for the date: chivalrous or chauvinistic?

In today’s society, the debate on who is paying the bill at the end of a date can make or break a relationship, especially in its early stages. Is there always an expectation that the man will pay? We feel like for many, the expectation for men to pay for the first date, has stuck around. Typical gender stereotypes of the man being a ‘provider’ for their partner have continued in this aspect. Whether this is a good thing for society today is up for debate.

Amy and Logan went on an investigation and asked as many people as they could what their perspective was on paying for the first date and dates in general. Everyone had different responses depending on their experiences. Amy is in a four-year-long relationship, and Logan is a single pringle, which formed a strong basis for our own opinions.

Amy and Logan agreed that historically, women didn’t have the right to work, own property in their own name, amongst a plethora of other things, which meant they didn’t have the means to pay for a date. Women’s lives were structured to serve their partner in the household as a wife and as a mother. Through the suffragettes, women’s rights movements, and feminism, we have gained a lot of ground towards establishing equal rights.

Logan thinks that in terms of first dates, or whoever initiates the date (typically the man) should pay for the first or first couple of dates. It’s a good gesture as it shows clear intentions that the date is romantic and not a friendly meet-up. Also, as an initiator, asking someone out is scary enough and knowing you’re going to pay may just take one scary question off the table. Amy disagreed and thinks that the first date should be split as the man (or initiator) pays, it reinforces traditional gender roles.

Regardless of who pays for the furst couple of dates, Amy believes that as a relationship moves forward, the issue of paying the bill becomes less dire. It becomes a natural routine of consistently paying 50/50 or splitting on different parts of the date (e.g. one pays for dinner, and the other pays for the movie after). The bond you have with your partner comes first, and healthy discussion is the bedrock of every relationship.

That being said, it is completely up to you and your partner. No matter what the general pre-existing standards are, it is a personal preference that should be discussed and agreed upon within the relationship.

Co-written by Amy Jones and Logan Harris