Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets - women's sexual repression

From books to popular shows like Sex Education (2019), the conversation surrounding sex is seemingly more open within our modern age. Even though the show addresses a diverse spectrum of sexual topics, I’ve found when discussing it with pals, there is still some embarrassment when talking about the comedy-drama, especially if you mention Lily and her alien fantasies. This embarrassment often transpires in any conversation about sex which deviates from the heteronormative.

If you lived in student accommodation as a fresher, you may be aware of ye olde ‘sex chart’; a graph which documents and differentiates types of intercourse. Ours was on the communal notice board. There were titles such as ‘doing bits’ or ‘getting with’ which, when I was curious about the details, found them to be based on whether a penis enters a vagina (I can already see you cringing at those words). When asking how lesbian sex worked on the chart, it seemed you somehow didn’t win as many points and it was an inquiry that led to a sexual discussion not anticipated by some.

As with most, it took me a while to get comfortable with masturbation but now I’m quite open to publicly talk about it and this discomforted the men in my flat. Not expecting my input on their laddish discussion on wanking, it was as if my open desires were unbecoming not hilarious, and/or a threat to their masculinity. One night we played ‘Truth or Drink’, during which a chosen card on sexual kinks made the room fall silent. Dinking despite the rules, I decided we should talk about it and had to give examples they would eventually confess to. The least experienced is the horniest. Go figure.

Admittedly, not all of my flat were that reserved, for instance I wasn’t the only one who owned a vibrator. In fact, one of them used to blast the song ‘I touch myself’, youth choir edition, in our living room, also known as the Sex Education song. Still, saying they had a vibrator was like saying they had a deadly weapon in their drawer; all whispered and secretive. Even when it comes to buying sex toys, sellers often assure buyers of their discreet packaging, which I appreciate that Postman Pat doesn’t know I ran out of lube but in a way does repress sexual expression.

There is a difficulty in the borderline of oversharing and it’s as if we can’t find the medium between almost Victorian repression to hyper-sexualisation. Whilst sex is a human bodily function, there is still an intimacy to it with your loved one(s) or the self and that shouldn’t be lost in translation. More often than not, it is women who have to deal with the consequences of sexual status in a patriarchal society. The morning-after term ‘walk of shame’ still circulates today and its where the phrase ‘lady in the streets, freak in the sheets’ diverges. The journey home in last night’s clothing makes the repressed ‘lady’ almost impossible to find in the streets and your ‘freakishness’ to be hidden, so why not embrace both? Get freaky with your vocabulary and don’t get your knickers in a twist for taking them off.