The Connell Waldron Effect: Tackling Loneliness at University

“I feel like I’m walking around trying on a hundred different versions of myself.” - Connell Waldron (Normal People).

Many of us have high expectations for university. It's often portrayed as a time of self-discovery, new adventures, and endless opportunities to make friends. Yet, for some, it may be more like Connell's experience: everything is unfamiliar, and connecting with people feels almost impossible.

Maybe you also feel like you're trying different versions of yourself in the hopes that one might fit, only to feel even lonelier when it doesn't. The "Connell Waldron Effect"—a sense of isolation and self-doubt while others seem to fit right in—is something many students face. Last year, a UK government press release stated that loneliness is a concern for over 50% of students in the UK, with 43% worried about being judged if they express this feeling.

Admitting it can be difficult, but it's a crucial step in tackling this issue. Like Connell, who gradually opens up and seeks meaningful connections, students can find ways to cope with loneliness. Building genuine relationships at university may take more time for some, but it isn't impossible. 

1. Join clubs and societies.
   While this advice is probably the most common, it can be effective. Societies can help you find like-minded people, but don't pressure yourself if it doesn’t happen to you, and don't try to be someone other than yourself! Even if you don't make instant friends, you still find new activities for your mental well-being. 
2. Stay in touch with friends and family.
   Maintain existing relationships. A catch-up over the phone or even a weekend visit can boost your mood and remind you that you already have successful relationships in your life.
3. Practice self-care.
   It’s definitely necessary to enjoy your own company, too. Sometimes, though, we fall into the trap of just rotting in bed all day. That's fine, but leaving your flat occasionally and doing other things that bring you joy will lift your spirits.
4. Reach out for support.
   There is absolutely no shame in seeking support within the university. There are many resources available to help with your well-being. Getting things off your chest is always a great starting point for feeling better. 

Ultimately, different strategies work for different people. Nonetheless, by making an effort while also giving yourself some time, feelings of loneliness can gradually pass.