I explained to my friends that I was just trying something new, I was nearly 18, mum!— my hair had been long and mousey brown my entire life, draped around my chunky glasses, and now, all of a sudden, my barnet made candy-floss look lifeless. But looking back, I can now recognise that the breakup had left me a wreck, and drastically changing a central part of my appearance made me feel in control. Being able to pick up a pair of scissors and explore a new appearance within a few minutes was a harmless route to making me feel powerful at a time when I felt rejected. And truthfully, I also felt pressure from the ‘post break-up glow-up’.
Being able to pick up a pair of scissors and explore a new appearance within a few minutes was a harmless route to making me feel powerful at a time when I felt rejected.
We’ve all experienced the inner sense of rivalry that brews after a breakup, whether we like it or not. Romantic or platonic, short-term or long-term, it doesn’t matter; whether your connection with someone ended with an amicable handshake or you bid farewells through the fiery burning of bridges, your now-deflated ego develops the urge to become the victorious winner. You develop an urge to make sure that your ex knows that you’re doing better without them, to go forth and do great things, manifesting that they have even the slightest ponder of “what if?” so as to emerge the recipient of an invisible, unconditioned trophy.
This internal competition mixes with the ‘glow-up culture’ we’ve all seen, whether consciously or subconsciously, all around us. Its narrative can imply that if you don’t achieve a dramatic overnight transformation post-struggle, then you’re falling short of your potential— and it’s a recipe for risking your healing journey becoming performative rather than fruitful. It feeds into the rhetoric that if you aren’t catering to societal beauty standards, you’re failing.
But here’s the truth: the worth of change after a breakup should not be defined by its level of glamour. After any life-altering event, it’s natural and healthy to reexamine your identity and needs. Whether you’re reconnecting with hobbies or friends or taking the time to be alone, it’s an era of finding a way forward and navigating what life newly looks like in a healthy way.
The journey after a break-up can be a tough and bumpy road, which is why wider societal pressures cannot interfere (something that is easier said than done). It’s integral to redefine the post break-up glow-up as a journey of self-discovery— whether you choose to adventure a bold new look or reconnect with some old hobbies, what matters most is that you’re doing it for yourself.
It’s integral to redefine the post break-up glow-up as a journey of self-discovery— whether you choose to adventure a bold new look or reconnect with some old hobbies, what matters most is that you’re doing it for you.
So to my younger self, stay calm and put down the Jerome Russell cream peroxide. My hair is still suffering to this day.
