As this festive period approaches, I become inevitably excited to pretend calories do not exist and proceed to eat a Christmas dinner which could most likely feed a family of four.
My favourite footballer without doubt is Roy Keane, given his history with my beloved Sunderland and given the way he tells things how they are without masquerading his thoughts in virtue signalling politically correct nonsense, in a time which this is rare within public discourse.
Therefore, I would say that when compared to an item from a Christmas dinner, Keane is the roast potatoes because everybody loves him for being unapologetically brilliant and always steals the limelight when featured.
Keane is infamous for his straight-shooting style and brash comments which make him extremely entertaining as a pundit; a welcome change from someone like Michael Owen who has all the personality of wallpaper paste.
Recently, he has come under fire for labelling Kyle Walker ‘an idiot’, however considering his defences lapses in high profile games this level of criticism is probably justified.
Last season he stated that the Spurs fullbacks were ‘dumb and dumber’ and regarding poor performances from De Gea and Maguire in big games he stated that ‘he wouldn’t even let them on the bus after the game, get a taxi back’.
This what makes Keane such a fantastic pundit, his brazen and veracious personality makes Roy the star of the show when giving his verdict on Sky Sports, of which all fans of the game should love him for and appreciate his bountiful honesty.
However, he is not without fault, considering his memorably awful tackle on Alf-Inge Haaland, receiving a straight red for what should probably be considered assault rather than a challenge on a football pitch.
Keane is unreserved and exuberant much like a cherished roastie on a Christmas dinner, with only one problem being the tackle on Haaland, that of which is the calorific nature of a good roast potato.
Ethan Todd
Jimmy Bullard - Christmas Cracker
A player who’s pranks on and off the pitch have gifted him a legendary status in the Premier League, Jimmy Bullard has been something of folklore for fans past and present. Many will be familiar with that infamous celebration he had whilst at Hull, perfectly mocking his new manager’s ‘on-the-pitch’ team talk in an act of comedy gold.
In a Christmas dinner, he is the cracker.
For me, The Bulldog’s antics have always been better suited to Soccer AM, or even his brief stint in the jungle on ITV’s Im A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!. In both cases he’s been able to completely flourish, having some great pranks with race-car driver Foggy on Im A Celeb and pulling off top notch banter with many guests on Soccer AM.
However, some of the most hysterical moments of his career have sadly been lost, often happening behind the scenes or not being picked up by the cameras. When asked what the worst prank he pulled was, he responded “I had a wee-wee in an aftershave bottle once… he used it all year”. When asked who it was, he said “He still doesn’t know… but he stinks!”.
Ths list goes on, with rumours of Jimmy replacing toothpaste with deep heat in the England training camp, two-footing a Teletubby mascot whilst at MK Dons or leap-frogging over Tim Cahill in a game against Everton.
If his antics at the dinner table are anything like his antics on the pitch, I’d love to have him over for Christmas.
Tom Moorcroft
