While the media seems to persuade us otherwise, research has found that people are often more attracted to those with similar personalities and values. This is known as the “similarity-attraction hypothesis”, which generally creates stronger connections than gambling on someone with different interests to you. Even in terms of physical attraction, people have been known to pick people who look similarly to them. Ever seen a couple that look scarily like siblings? Exactly.
Of course not every couple is exactly the same, which leads to the idea of ‘complementary differences’. One person’s strengths might balance the other’s weaknesses, which can create a sense of balance. Minor differences, such as one person being an extrovert and the other introverted- a major cliche in Romance media- can definitely work, but even this can sometimes be thwarted by differences in communication styles or emotional needs. There are many relationships which start out ‘opposite’, but research finds that they break up more than ‘similar’ pairs due to too many differences. It’s not as logical as the media makes it out to be.
But the media can trick us into feeling something we don’t. Who doesn’t like the thought of converting a quiet guy into a modern-day Romeo? But while “opposites attract” can sometimes be true, especially if you share similar values and interests, ‘similar’ pairs tend to create more stable relationships long-term. So the next time you’re crushing on that mysteriously quiet guy who sits opposite you in a seminar- remind yourself that he’s probably not like the guys in the movies; he’s just not meant for you.
