A recurring struggle for me is feeling confident in my own skin. Without going into too much detail, I am currently having a bit of a body-confidence crisis. I think that the uni lifestyle, health issues and maybe even the rumoured second puberty hitting all at once have contributed to me feeling less confident with my body. As well, with summer looming, the dread of wearing a bikini in public and wearing the summery clothes that I want to are stuck in the back of my mind.
Though I do try to look after myself by eating (relatively) well and exercising (quite) regularly, I know that a large portion of my crisis also stems from my lack of internal confidence, not just physical factors. In the past and still, now, I have the tendency to compare myself to others, especially when it comes to my body, picking at things that are ‘wrong’ with me. This definitely comes from a place of insecurity, but recently I have realised that accepting my body the way that it is has been made easier by seeing other people who look like me on social media.
I’ve come to describe myself as ‘midsize’, and seeing others who are also midsize online has been really validating. Ever since I got TikTok last year, the algorithm has nicely and terrifyingly directed me to creators who look like me and have similar insecurities. Creators like @mary_skinner, @whore4cashmere, @abihasbigjugs, @selflovebug, @kira_paige, @sarasthots and @sixtine (to name a few), have really helped me to turn my insecurities on their head and has made me realise that I can wear whatever I want without losing weight or changing my body. They’ve helped me realise that I don’t take up too much space.
Obviously, this is not a consistent thing, as confidence takes a bit of work, but I’m getting there. And I hope that this summer I will be wearing my bikini and summery outfits with more confidence, living my best life.