Do you ever find yourself constantly overthinking and overanalysing the ‘what-ifs’? Well, you aren’t alone. According to the World Health Organisation, 3.6 percent of the world’s population suffer from an anxiety disorder. Yet, despite this, for so many sufferers, having anxiety can often be a very lonely and isolating feeling.
In my experience, those who do not have anxiety can often find it difficult to understand my reactions. I used to worry that people would label me as dramatic or annoying. In this sense, anxiety has affected my relationships in a general way because it can be misunderstood. An anxious brain tortures, constantly reproducing new issues to dwell over. While your friends may have already forgotten what it is that is making you anxious, for you it constantly repeats in a cycle, a knife stabbing the same wound over and over before it can ever heal.
Anxiety presents itself differently from person to person, but it’s safe to say that no matter whether you voice your struggles, have breakdowns, or bottle it up, all forms affect relationships. While some people who suffer from anxiety need constant reassurance from their partner, I would say the other end of the spectrum best describes my reaction to romantic relationships: avoidance. I have never admitted to anyone when I have liked them in fear of rejection.
Whether you voice your struggles, have breakdowns, or bottle it up, all forms affect relationships
In my case, low self-worth, and anxiety work hand in hand, when it comes to ruining my chances of a healthy romantic relationship. Intrusive thoughts such as “you’ll never be good enough” and “why would they like you”, “they are flirting with you as a joke” overwhelm to the point where relationships become more effort than they are worth. One-night stands are a no-go for me personally, the thought of someone seeing and judging my body is terrifying. Plus, it doesn’t help the fact that I often like people I have known for a while or can’t have, but that’s a topic for another time. My point is, dating is hard, and it’s only made worse when you have anxiety.
Where friendships are concerned, I am over-reliant, fearing disappointing others and worrying that my friends are annoyed with me when I detect a change in their mood. I like to feel needed, and more importantly, wanted, and when I feel left out, it’s one of the worst types of pain. Plus, anxiety has made making decisions so much harder for me. My own needs vs my people pleasing nature has caused many a dilemma that both waste my time overthinking and DO annoy my friends because I can’t make a decision.
FOMO is a massive issue for me and something that I have had to challenge over the course of my university experience. My brain is constantly analysing the what-ifs, punishing me for everything that I haven’t done instead of praising me for what I have. When my anxiety is particularly bad, I can almost feel myself withdrawing from relationships, but also feel isolated and alone at the same time, to the extent that I begin to question if people care about me.
My brain is constantly analysing the what-ifs, punishing me for everything that I haven’t done instead of praising me for what I have
In summary, its clear that anxiety is one of the worst forms of torture. If anyone can read minds, I would just like to apologise in advance. An anxious mind is a busy one, and while on first meeting us, we may come across shy or stand-offish, just know that if we ever have a conversation, there’s an 95% chance that we’ve overthought it afterwards. While coming to university has helped me to manage my thoughts regarding relationships, I occasionally experience a relapse of this emotion which can really cause me to struggle. If you suffer from anxiety, know that you are doing your best, that you are strong, and that I am proud of you.
